|Christmas picture in the year 2014|
My father passed away last 09 May 2016 after hospitalized for almost 2 weeks. Though his condition deterioting rapidly, I was still hoping he would be coming home with us. Especially since he would be celebrate his 80th birthday this coming 09th August 2016. But God has other plan for all of us no matter what plan we have in mind.
And after he died, still in shock as I couldn't believe that he has left me and my mom, I realized that there are so many things we should have talked about.
We should talk about death.
Talking about death is taboo for most people, especially with elderlies. Talking about death, remind all of us that we are not immortal in this world. That death, will eventually comes to us all but when and where we have no idea. Talking about it with elderlies, they will accuse us condemn them to have early death.
After being ill so many times, my mom once ask me to buy her a simple white cloth (or should I say "fabric" in English?). I asked her for what purpose and her answer surprised me.
"Well of course to cover my body when I passed to another world. We should prepare it."
And I remembered I was a bit angry and hushed her not to talk about it. I feel that by talking about death, we will be inviting death to come and visit. And then death will take the life of us and leave the living family and friends in sorrow. I meant, seriously, would you prepare in advance a fabric or cloth to cover your family who is still under treatment in the hospital? No matter how bad their condition we will always hope for the best.
But after my father died, there are two people from hospital charged me Rp 220.000,- for the fabric to cover him. One time she asked my cousin who stayed with me until my father's last breath. The second time, she asked me again as if she afraid my dad's family would run from the hospital. It's not about the amount of money but about how heartless other people can be. And if we have prepared, we don't have to face that kind of treatment. But who would think about preparing that?
And then, I have to deal with the mortuary's people who seems reluctant to process my father's body before receiving the payment. Yes, there are fees for the ambulance to bring his body to funeral room at our church. Then for the formalin and dressing up my father's body along with bath him for the last time. I was thinking, my goodness now we are lucky to be able to get money from atm. What happenned if we don't have money and have nowhere to go to to get it?
The next thing that I think we should all talk about is the burial process. Yes, yes, we try very hard to avoid talking about that but it turn out we have to.
1. Where would you like to be buried?
Just like the living, people who has passed away also need their final resting place. And like it or not, we need to consider where will be the location.
Remember that we need to prepare the fund to pay for the burial ground.
2. The person in charge
This is not a great things to do but someone need to do it. Someone will need to communicate with the grieving family about the burial's process. And who will be doing the payment to the goverment every 3 years for the maintenance? Like me who has no children of my own, I better think fast who should be doing it.
Do you have any preference? Would you prefer to be a simple coffin or a grand luxurious one?
4. Together until death us do part
Probably we all could be together in the end, so ask yourself this. Would you want to be in the same burial ground with the loves one? Not side by side, but really in the same spot.
I have been asking many people about this, as I think being an only child and still single which is probably for the rest of my life, nobody will take care of my grave continously. So, should I be cremated or join my father in the same spot? Would I prefer to be cremated and my ashes to be spread across the sea?
This will include about the ritual ceremony, religious ceremony, and so on. Depends with each person.
My dad and my mom and me, we never talk about this... Probably there is this positive think to be taken, as I couldn't imagine if he wish to be buried next to his parents. My grandparents burial place located in Malang - East Java. It would be difficult for me to handle the transportation to carry his body to another province. And, it will be difficult for the family to visit if the burial location is too far away. But anyway, is all done now.
Bye dad... May you rest in peace... Thanks for being my father all these times...