Jumat, 13 Mei 2016

Let's Talk About Death

Christmas picture in the year 2014

My father passed away last 09 May 2016 after hospitalized for almost 2 weeks. Though his condition deterioting rapidly, I was still hoping he would be coming home with us. Especially since he would be celebrate his 80th birthday this coming 09th August 2016. But God has other plan for all of us no matter what plan we have in mind.

And after he died, still in shock as I couldn't believe that he has left me and my mom, I realized that there are so many things we should have talked about. 

We should talk about death.


Talking about death is taboo for most people, especially with elderlies. Talking about death, remind all of us that we are not immortal in this world. That death, will eventually comes to us all but when and where we have no idea. Talking about it with elderlies, they will accuse us condemn them to have early death. 

After being ill so many times, my mom once ask me to buy her a simple white cloth (or should I say "fabric" in English?). I asked her for what purpose and her answer surprised me.

"Well of course to cover my body when I passed to another world. We should prepare it."

And I remembered I was a bit angry and hushed her not to talk about it. I feel that by talking about death, we will be inviting death to come and visit. And then death will take the life of us and leave the living family and friends in sorrow. I meant, seriously, would you prepare in advance a fabric or cloth to cover your family who is still under treatment in the hospital? No matter how bad their condition we will always hope for the best.

But after my father died, there are two people from hospital charged me Rp 220.000,- for the fabric to cover him. One time she asked my cousin who stayed with me until my father's last breath. The second time, she asked me again as if she afraid my dad's family would run from the hospital. It's not about the amount of money but about how heartless other people can be. And if we have prepared, we don't have to face that kind of treatment. But who would think about preparing that? 

And then, I have to deal with the mortuary's people who seems reluctant to process my father's body before receiving the payment. Yes, there are fees for the ambulance to bring his body to funeral room at our church. Then for the formalin and dressing up my father's body along with bath him for the last time. I was thinking, my goodness now we are lucky to be able to get money from atm. What happenned if we don't have money and have nowhere to go to to get it?

The next thing that I think we should all talk about is the burial process. Yes, yes, we try very hard to avoid talking about that but it turn out we have to. 

1. Where would you like to be buried?
Just like the living, people who has passed away also need their final resting place. And like it or not, we need to consider where will be the location.
Remember that we need to prepare the fund to pay for the burial ground. 

2. The person in charge
This is not a great things to do but someone need to do it. Someone will need to communicate with the grieving family about the burial's process. And who will be doing the payment to the goverment every 3 years for the maintenance? Like me who has no children of my own, I better think fast who should be doing it.

3. Coffin
Do you have any preference? Would you prefer to be a simple coffin or a grand luxurious one?

4. Together until death us do part
Probably we all could be together in the end, so ask yourself this. Would you want to be in the same burial ground with the loves one? Not side by side, but really in the same spot. 

5. Cremation
I have been asking many people about this, as I think being an only child and still single which is probably for the rest of my life, nobody will take care of my grave continously. So, should I be cremated or join my father in the same spot? Would I prefer to be cremated and my ashes to be spread across the sea?

6. Etc
This will include about the ritual ceremony, religious ceremony, and so on. Depends with each person. 


My dad and my mom and me, we never talk about this... Probably there is this positive think to be taken, as I couldn't imagine if he wish to be buried next to his parents. My grandparents burial place located in Malang - East Java. It would be difficult for me to handle the transportation to carry his body to another province. And, it will be difficult for the family to visit if the burial location is too far away. But anyway, is all done now. 

Bye dad... May you rest in peace... Thanks for being my father all these times... 

12 komentar:

  1. kalau di kotaku, tanah untuk pemakaman masih gratis Mbak karena biasanya dapat tanah hasil wakaf. Meski begitu, beberapa orang dimakamkan dalam satu liang lahat bersama pasangannya. Well.. apapun, yg penting doa kita tetap terus melantun untuk mereka. Ah aku juga jadi inget, sejak hamil belum pernah ke makam Bapak lagi, now I miss him again -__-

    BalasHapus
    Balasan
    1. hai Rani, kl di Jakarta tempatnya makin terbatas. Kl gak ada kelg yg tidak melanjutkan bayar semacam pajak 3 tahun sekali, maka kuburan akan diisi oleh jenazah orang lain. Makanya hal2 begini ternyata mesti diomongin sedari masih hidup.
      Mama saya setuju untuk dimakamkan bersama dengan alm papa nanti. Kayaknya gak enak ngomongin ini, tapi apa boleh buat...
      Kan Rani mendoakan bapak terus, nanti sekalian menjelang bulan puasa mungkin?

      Hapus
  2. Ikut berduka cita ya mbaa :(.. semoga papa mendapatkan tempat terbaik di sisiNya.. pdhl baru maret kemarin kan ya ngerayain anniversary mereka :(

    BalasHapus
    Balasan
    1. iya, gak lama setelah itu jatuh di kamar, masuk rumah sakit dan tidak pernah keluar lagi

      Hapus
  3. Turut berduka cita yg mendalam ya Ria,kami membicarakannya termasuk jg warisan harus dibicarakan biar klo udah meninggal tidak dipersengketakan, dikeluarga kami pasti menyimpan kain panjang batik dirumah,dan orang2 tua biasanya menyisihkan uangnya buat biaya kematian bahkan ada yg sdh beli lahan buat perkuburan yg terpenting selalu baik dgn tetangga karena pd merekalah kita minta tolong klo kematian menjelang

    BalasHapus
    Balasan
    1. betul sekali... tetangga bisa dibilang saudara terdekat karena mereka yg bergerak duluan utk menolong sebelum kelg sendiri

      Hapus
  4. Turut berduka cita mba.. Semua harus dibicarakan jelas ya mba.. menyentuh penyampaiannya

    BalasHapus
  5. Iyaa kayanya kita harus
    mikirin yah Mbak ttg kematian. Baca ini bikin aku sadar penguburan di Jakarta emang mahal.
    BTW bapak Mbak Ria 80thn tahun ini? Semoga bisa sampai ke umur itu kelak.
    sabar mbak ria dan Ibu dan doa untuk bapak Mbak Ria..

    BalasHapus
  6. Mb ria hug...
    Aku baru tahu berita ini
    :'(

    BalasHapus
  7. Menarik sekali Mak, tulisan ini.. Kematian memang suatu hal yang pasti, dan sebenarnya nggak ada salahnya kalo kita sudah mempersiapkan sebelumnya ya Mak.. Kalo di keluarga aku, mama papa om om dan tante-tante rata-rata sudah ikut tabungan yang akan mengcover segala biaya kain kafan, pemandian jenazah dan lainnya.. Serem sih dengernya, tapi memang balik lagi kalo kematian itu adalah satu hal yang pasti dan sama sekali nggak ada salahnya kalo kita mau nyiapin segala tetek bengeknya lebih dulu.. Makasi sharingnya ya Mak RIa.. Sekali lagi aku turut berduka cita ya Mak..

    BalasHapus
  8. Kematian itu rahasia Tuhan yang pasti terjadi. Sebagai pengingat bagi yang masih hidup untuk mempersiapkan semuanya.

    BalasHapus
  9. my aunt was cremated last year. it was so sudden my mom's fam were freaking out literally did not know whether we had to cremate or bury her. pengennya dikubur (so that i can visit her even tho she's no longer there) tapi ya udah di decide begitu jadi taambah sedih deh. i haven't really talk anything about death dan kayaknya masih lama but if i have to die, i want to be buried. i dont like the idea of being burned. disini funeral costs a lot kalo gak salah taroh deposit bisa nge lock biaya pemakaman jadi gak naik misal 10 tahun kemudian harga tetep sama. i am planning to do that.

    BalasHapus

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